shuhan here.

conclusion for the long long long story below: i'm utterly stupid.

the end. skip all the paragraphs below. i just needed to write it out.

--

yesterday, before going for service class, i set many rules for myself on my way to school.

1. no crying
2. no 'ya' and 'shit'
3. smile
4. use mental strength
5. be confident

Calista was the headwaitress of the day. i was told on wednesday to switch to a runner because kenneth wasn't here. but, they reshifted me to a waitress again when i reached school. i panicked, i didn't know the menu and prices. i have got no one to blame, i deserved it. i should have remembered the menu since it is very possible for me to be switched to any roles if there isn't enough manpower.

i was grouped with Wilson and Kimberly, and Kim was our captain for Section 4. a total of 16 seats. i told myself it was possible since each of us on have to deal with around 5 guests. During briefing, Mr Goh said he will be dining today too, at one of the tables in section 4.

The first group of guests came in, but was seated at the section beside mine. i watched my classmates attending to them, spotted so many mistakes made by my friends. i even pulled them over to remind them that they have to use a tray to collect the empty glasses, to hold by the stem, to refill the empty glasses. i felt so confident that i could actually spot every mistakes, and i felt so sure i won't make the same mistakes they made.

if only i could have stayed that calm when it was my time to serve.

my first guest was Ms Felicia Koh from Hilton Hotel. I arranged her cutleries accordingly to her food orders. i screwed up, even though no one will notice unless they look closely. i did not follow what Mr Goh said - which is not to leave your hands empty, make every movement worth moving. i waltzed around her table, forgetting this and that. i screamed to myself to focus but i can't help feeling uneasy once again.

Everything was spinning around me - orders, menus, cutleries. so many people to satisfy that i just feel like pressing the STOP button, look around, check the cutleries, rearranging them and continue on without making a mistake. It's so funny. I have already been trained, but i still felt as though it is the first time i stepped into ToP Table. I looked around to check and see what others were doing and make sure i wasn't completely different.

my second guest was Mr Goh and my APEL teacher Mr Sim. I looked around for help, hoping a whisper of advice, or perhaps someone to replace me. Weirdly, when everyone saw me approaching that table, i can't seem to be able to catch anybody's eyes. Everyone seemed to be avoiding. It was as though if i catch somone looking at me, i would grab that person to replace me instead. hah.

I ran to Wilson and asked if he could help to take the order instead. "No, you go lah", he said. silly me. i should have known. who would help me when they can stand safely at the Bar, waiting for their guests' drinks? silly me.

i ran back to the table, felt my stomach eating itself, smiled, and said "May i help you, Sir?"

Just when i thought i started out okay, i heard Mr Goh saying "oh yes. my arms are hurting and i am having.... (i don't quite remember what he said because i just blanked out after hearing the first part)"

i kicked myself hard and tried to save myself from drowning.

"Sorry Sir, but may i take your drinks order?"
"No. because i didn't have time to read the menu yet."
"Yes Sir." *stepped back*
"aren't you going to recommend me anything?"

i swear my mind went blank. i can't even remember 2 basic mocktails for the day. i forced myself to calm down and the answers came.

"We are having Red Passion and Minty Icy Apple today, Sir."
"So what is in the Minty Icy Apple?"

blank. blank. blank.

"May i check with my Bartender before attending to you, Sir?"
"No, it's too late."

for the first time in my life, i hope Mr Sim will jump out to save me and i promise him i will attend all of his APEL classes and sing praises about him around TP. But Mr Sim stayed silent while Mr Goh stared at me, expecting an answer which is impossible for me to know on the point. i finally spoke up and repeated myself.

"I am very sorry but may i check with my Bartender first?"

a disapproving wave and he requested to see my headwaitress. i got my headwaitress to the table and stood beside Calista.

"i said i want to see your headwaitress, not you."

at that moment, my heart wasn't saying anything and my gut instinct was telling me to curl up and die. i ran to the Bar and asked the Bartender of the day about the ingredients in the drinks.

"ai yah, i don't know lah!" was the cold answer i received. Girl, i will remember, i swear.

i rushed to the other bartender and got my answer before rushing back to Mr Goh. Mr Goh ordered Red Passion and Mr Sim ordered Ice Tea. i happily wrote down their orders.

after the drinks order, it was the food order. i was asked about all the ingredients in every food dishes. believe it or not, i ran to the kitchen about 6 times to ask about the ingredients.

"what is in this dish?"
*ran to kitchen*
"oh, there are bah bah bah"
"ok. so what is in this dish?"
*ran to kitchen*
"oh, there are bah bah bah"
"ok. so what is in this dish?"

the above repeated for 5 or 6 times. i wanted to stop feeling sorry for myself, i wanted to excel, i tried so hard, i made so much effort to reach his aim. tears started welling up and i touched my nose once.

"Did you just touch your nose? Mr Sim, i guess we are going to have food poisoning this meal."

after taking the food orders, i went to collect drinks for the other table. One of my friends came running to me.

"there is no Ice Tea leh girl! you must re-take the order for Table 5."

Images of Mr Goh expecting for an explanation simply drowned me. i carried the drinks tray, but my focus wasn't on the 8 glasses of drinks anymore. At the back of my mind were filled with "what if's" and different kind of explanations i could save myself.

All of a sudden, Mr Goh grabbed me and i heard guests screaming.

remember the day i blogged about me working for Suntec Banquet, and that i nearly poured a big tray filled with 10 bowls of Shark Fins on a guest?

This time i did it. I poured a whole glass of Red Passion on a guest.

please. let me scold a word for the 3rd time in my life.

fuck.

so sorry to the guest. i really didn't do it on purposely. i am so sorry. i hope you're not hurt. i am so worried that the glass might cut you. i am so sorry i swear. so sorry so sorry so sorry!

so sorry to calista and cassandra, my headwaitress and assistant head. you guys must have gotten a HUGE scolding because of me.

so sorry to Mr Goh for having to clear up the mess for me. i hope you see the effort i tried to put in.

so sorry to Jennifer, Seowhui, Rena and Serena for making you guys come over when you guys were having lunch. thank you so much for telling me what to do when i felt so lost and behaving like a crybaby when i should be actually upstairs clearing the whole mess i made.

so sorry to chan kai. i must have made you very worried when you heard me crying when you called.

and it suddenly occurred to me that Ms Koh from Hilton Hotel was there. Say bye to Hilton Hotel and one of my might-be-the-one hotels.